Wednesday, October 10, 2012

EXCLUSIVE - On Site Report

Our Dear Leader spoke at Ohio State University yesterday afternoon.

Our Zhukov was in the crowd and the following is his report.

Putting the O-bama in OSU
By: Zhukov
As an agent of, I found myself in line for the Obama rally at The Ohio State University. Finding where the line entered the rally was easy, but finding the end of the line was the difficult part. Standing in longer than average bread lines is normal for me but to see a politician? Making my way along the line to the end I weaved through apparent union workers selling buttons, stickers, and even grocery bags promoting the re-election of Pres. Obama. Along the way I was continually ‘encouraged’ by Party Members trying to get me to vote early and that right after the event, “there are busses around the corner waiting to take people to the nearest early voting station to cast their vote”. I was trying to be polite to everyone around me but it took all of my will power to not ask if this is the line for Obamacare or my Obama-Phone.

After entering I proceeded to wade into an already sizable crowd gathering toward the stage. Through the masses I made it to a decent place just in time for the Pledge of Allegiance, a prayer and the National Anthem. I have never seen such patriotism or piety at a Democrat rally in all my short life.

After the surprise it was time for the next speaker, the man with all the right stuff, Senator John Glenn himself came to the podium to endorse Obama. After listening to Sen. Glenn be old it was time for a big time speaker in the form of Comrade Senator Sherrod Brown. Com. Sen. Brown broke the ice with the still growing crowd and received decent feedback while taking credit for Ohio Governor Kasich’s economic policies and budget cuts. He interestingly did not mention his supporting vote for the Health Care Reform Act to the one group of people who would support such a vote. After Com. Sen. Brown, a student spoke on behalf of the College Democrats. She spoke of government subsidized “contraception” and Governor Romney’s devious goal of “taking women’s rights back to the 1950s”. Then it was time for’s ‘disc jockeying’. After 30 minutes of torture not condoned by the Geneva Conventions, President Obama took the stage and the 15,000-person crowd went wild.

The Great TelePrompTer himself started his oration with listing all of his accomplishments and all of his promises. Obama says his promise to withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan is fulfilled. If he has indeed withdrawn the US military from said countries, then how are US soldiers still getting killed in Afghanistan? Obama’s next point was the big news that unemployment dropped to 7.8% nationally. Listening to his promises all I can do is stand on my toes with tears in my eyes as Obama’s promises remind me more of Vladimir Lenin’s Bolshevik promises of ending the unfavorable war, getting health care to the masses, increase the literacy rate among the workers, and taking from the Bourgeoisie and redistributing wealth to the proletariat workers, and teachers so that all are equal. Then Obama-Ulyanov spoke of the evil capitalist, giant of the Sesame Street banks. Whoever this ‘Big Bird’ demon is, I am surprised ‘it’ has not been taken out back and shot.

The more far-off points he made, the more I corrected his facts and in turn the more angry looks I receive from the crowd. The crowd was figuring out my subterfuge so for my own entertainment I kept going until I was told I was “being rude” and to “shut the **** up”. I will not go on with worse comments of being propositioned by a person in the crowd.

    In conclusion, listening to the ‘orator of our generation’ did not impress this agent; with the content of the speech being no better than a 5th grader’s for school president and the skill with which it was delivered being quite ordinary. I believe the most underrated speaker was Mr. TelePrompTer and the highlight was my interaction with the sheep.

UPDATE 10.11:

Thanks for linking IOTW!

No comments: