The Gay Option - UPDATED and BUMPED

[orig post 6.2014]

The Gay Option.  Or as I would personally call it, "The Nuclear Option."

I'm just going to float an idea out here:

Some gay and straight white men choose to be openly gay - either to enjoy the legal and financial incentives of minority status, or out of a desire to achieve victim status.

Think about it.

You get instant membership in, and protection services from, the Gay Mafia.  They will shame your opponents.  Ask Bill Maher or Adam Carolla.

You get preferential ranking as a job applicant.  HR, and military recruiters, prefer filling quotas over hiring the best.

If you don't get the job, you can sue for discrimination.  Ask John Garland.

And, the best thing of all, you will never be asked to prove your orientation.  If you're caught with a girl, just say you're bi.  Or that 'she' is a transvestite. 

If you're married to a woman, it still isn't too late.  Just say it is a marriage of convenience.

If you're a Republican, you get the added benefit of eliminating a common smear from Democrats who can't beat you on the issues.  See Gov. Scott Walker.

And if you're a CEO with a weak board, you can keep your job.

The only other option for a white man to claim legal protection is to say he is a Muslim.  Right?  He can't lie that he's missing a leg.  Muslim is out of the question.

Would you agree with me that this has happened, somewhere?  If so, what percentage of openly-gay white men do you think this applies to?

And, if you're a white male, how would you feel if some other white male used this trick to beat you out of a job?  

If one were to explore this idea further, one might conclude that the only authentic gay people out there are the non-whites who were born into their minority status.  In other words, there are no financial or legal incentives for non-whites to make their sexual orientation public with bumper stickers, parades and political action committees. 

Comrade Aaron Clarey authored Enjoy the Decline, a book intended to help conservative Americans set new priorities for our Socialist America.  He teaches his readers to minimize their lifestyle, and thus their income, to stay under the unfair and oppressive taxes.  And, he suggests they consider taking advantage of the expanding welfare system that was meant for society's lazy (liberals).  Isn't this post just an expansion of this way of thinking?

Gays have created a vast utopia of preferential treatment and stifled criticism.  Why would a white male choose to go against this grain?  Further, if the existing momentum continues for the gay political movement, declaring yourself straight may be deemed hate speech in the near future.

This kind of thinking might get some people's panties in a bunch.  This post isn't meant to aggravate anyone, but just spark a conversation.  Where is my logic flawed?  Tell me where I'm wrong.  Would coming out of the closet help Ted Cruz's chances in 2016?

And the obligatory fine print (that I'm only going to say once):  Yes, I have gay friends and have had gay co-workers - in and out of the closet.  I served with gay men in the Army - before it was legal.  I've socialized with Log Cabin Republicans, right-wing gay bloggers and their gay readers.  Any discussion about homosexuality here at Ushanka is aimed at the gay political movement, which I consider an evil component of the communist infiltration of the United States, bent on diluting the religious and family values that made this country great.  I have no opinion on, and zero interest in, an individual's orientation or his consensual sexual activity.  I'll let others lead those discussions.

UPDATED 7.2.14:

Did I call it, or what?

JP Morgan Chase is now asking employees if they are "an ally of the LGBT community."  Breitbart.

UPDATED and BUMPED 7.24.14:

"Voluntary" orientation reporting coming to New York!  Only gays to benefit.

CapitalNewYork:

New York State is launching a campaign to collect coordinated data on residents’ sexual orientation as part of a comprehensive effort to improve health and human services for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender New Yorkers, the state’s health department announced Wednesday.

It would be the first such statewide effort in the country, Dan O’Connell, director of the state Health Department’s AIDS Institute, said in an interview with Capital.

Eight state agencies will soon begin collecting the self-reported, voluntary data on LGBT people who use their services. The agencies are:

- the Department of Health, 

- Department of Corrections and Community Supervision, 

- Office for the Aging, 

- Office of Mental Health, 

- Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services, 

- Office of Temporary and Disability Assistance, 

- Office of Children and Family Services and 

- Office for People with Developmental Disabilities.

If there was ever a time for a New Yorker to take advantage of the state's preference for homosexuals, this is the time.

Remember, you don't have to perform the act to receive the benefits.  

Start thinking like a liberal and cash in on jobs and preferences!

UPDATED 9.24.14:

Going gay works if you want a divorce.  Story at MoonBattery:

At least now you know how to keep from getting taken to the cleaners in divorce court. Just say you are dumping the mother of your children to pursue a life of sodomy, and the liberal establishment will back you to the hilt.

UPDATED and BUMPED 3.1.15:

Kommisar Al-Blogunov over at The People's Cube has expanded on this concept.  He offers a table that highlights the benefits of going gay over using race to get ahead:

His template for a Gay Card, rather than a Race Card, is a bit... off-putting.  I've never lost my appetite when someone played a race card.

BummiPuppe was kind enough to offer a proposed Terms of Service for these future Gay Cards:

This kard shall expire upon kompletion of the the "fundamental transformation" of Amerika. At that time, kard holders shall be subject to penalties, inkluding, but not limited to: discrimination, persekution, imprisonment, torture, forced labor, and death under the laws and direktives enakted and upheld by the Peoples Kongress, the Supreme Soviet, and Komrade Glorious Leader. Do not use this kard while kriticizing Komrade Glorious Leader and other high party officials, as this may increase your chances of premature death. Use at your own risk.

If you haven't bookmarked The People's Cube, you are missing out.  There is a lot of brainpower going to waste over there.  Always worth the visit.

UPDATED 4.8.15:

Wisconsin college students: You can get extra credit for your homosexuality.

UPDATED 5.1.15:

Dr. Of Common Sense video (NSFW):  Gay White Men Are The New Minority And Victim

UPDATED 6.14.15:

The only reason I didn't suggest one should go black is because I didn't think it could be done.  I stand corrected.

See Rachel Dolezal, president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP!

UPDATED 3.14.18:

Here is a twist!  A muslim in Australia about to be deported plays the Gay-Christian card.