Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Glorious USPS

Few things are as exciting as buying a Glorious Hat.  We here at the Glorious Hat factory take pride in our mockery epicness as one of the last capitalist ventures in the former US of A. 

Our motto:

We'll turn the lights as the last 
private sector company to fold.

Our team spends hundreds of hours brainstorming how we can make the hat-buying experience even better.  One such initiative has been to have Glorious Hat strictly delivered by US Postal Service (USPS) employees.  You can't get any closer to the proletarian spirit than to have a government-run organization assign their slowest to deliver hats.  With DVD rentals long since past, delivering Glorious Hat is all that is left for them to do. 

The USPS has a long history of setting the bar lower with each postage price increase.  (When was the last time you heard of a postman going "postal?")  So, as disappointing as it was this week to hear about this 14-day delivery (above), our team wasn't completely surprised.  You see, the workers of the world, at least at the USPS, have a new motto now:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night 
stays these couriers from the swift completion of 
lunch, diversity training, sick time, and mandatory breaks.

Stay tuned comrades:  We are currently brainstorming an Amtrak role in the Glorious Hat distribution plan. 

At Glorious Hat, the Comrade is always right!  

And this comrade has received a full refund.


Anonymous said...

Does Glorious Hat have new inserts available for new Coronation?

Love my Glorious Hat.

Karl said...

As you know Comrade Carnegie, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. Let's just say the Glorious Hat Placard Committee is making breakfast...

We've issued new placards every 2-year election cycle as part of our 5-year plan. It is usually February or March when we announce these.